Sunday, May 4, 2008
If you are a man wearing a scarf in the United States, you are probably gay.
I cannot stress this enough.
Clander (the jackass who writes "Stuff White People Like"), however, thinks it's somehow trendy for white people to wear scarves. He further postulates that white people will wear scarves not only in defiance of prevailing fashion sense, but also of impending summertime weather. In other words, Clander says white people wear scarves all the time.
This is horridly incorrect--except, of course, you're a redheaded Irish transplant living San Francisco like Christian Lander himself. In that case, scarves are mandatory. So are Priuses and New Balance shoes and all manner of communist dalliances prevalent in that Shining Sinkhole by the Sea.
In the rest of the world of white people, you don't wear a scarf unless you're a woman. I've yet to see a white person wearing a scarf, and I, too, live in California--just not the sinkhole part. Clander could've railed against the white people (specifically, white American) inclination towards wearing giant-lettered university sweatshirts, sports jerseys for teams halfway across the continent, or flags of foreign countries.
But he didn't. Again, Clander wrote his latest blog entry the easy way: He looked at himself in the mirror, noticed he was wearing a scarf, and wrote that down.
God damn it, Clander.
At this point, I'll offer a counter-claim to Clander's latest communist creed:
Japanese people like scarves. They wear them all the time. In all circumstances, in all weather. In Japan, this is not considered gay. It's normal.
In fact, Japanese men do many things that Americans would consider gay. They wear scarves, sip sake from tiny tea cups instead of plunging it into beer, and watch soccer--sometimes in person.Let's analyze the following photo. You'll note that the two Japanese people are needlessly wearing scarves indoors. The white people in the photo are not wearing scarves.
Japan loves its freaking scarves. It also loves latching onto obscure American popular culture phenomena, like Nightmare Before Christmas. In a pinch, Japanese people will combine the two into an unholy union of sorts, as with these Nightmare Before Christmas scarves.